Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.
 

Currently, I am in an 8 years relationship with a woman that is 8 years my senior.

We started the relationship when I am in my 20s and I am now in my 30s.

Let’s call her Janice.

We met each other at work.

One night, we messaged over work-related issues. Eventually, we spoke about other topics rather than work.

From our meet-ups, I realised that she was married with 1 kid. She was unhappy with her marriage as her husband cheated on her many years ago. They are still together it’s because of the child.

Soon, our conversations became a daily affair.

In retrospect, I could still remember my first girlfriend I had was in secondary school. However, things did not work out and we broke up.

Thus, when Janice came, I am not sure if it’s because of loneliness or I am interested in her.

I spoke to my friends about it. There were many viewpoints. Some said it’s wrong to pursue a married woman. Others gave the usual advice of “age is just a number”

One day Janice shared her feelings with me and I decided to give it a shot.

However, as times passes, the honey starts to taste bad. I realised that she is a possessive person. I can’t speak or look at girls. Sometimes, when a very attractive lady walked passed, she accused me of looking when I did not.

To be honest, at that point in time, I thought this inconvenience was part of this relationship. I thought it’s normal for her to feel insecure. After all, we are 8 years apart.

Soon things became worse, when I went out with my friends, we will start quarrelling.

I thought it was my fault because I met my friends more than I met her. I was young and inexperience as I always thought if you have a girlfriend, you cannot abandon your friends.

One night, I was out drinking with my good friends. I quarrelled with her over the text again. The exchange was very heated that eventually, her husband discovered the affair. My friend thought she was lying about the whole issue to get my attention. However, it is true.

To cut the long story short, they divorced.

However, since the affair, I have not spoken to my friends for years as I fear that she might become angry.

I felt that my friends did not believe me at that point in time and she did not like them.

Overall, the issue was my fault for not bridging the gap well.

Throughout, the years, she became very possessive, to a point that I have to see her every day, and she threatened to commit suicide if I ever leave her.

Our quarrels over her possessiveness led me to keep within myself.

In addition, I have long switched off all my emotions.

She is very nice to me and my family. Every difficulties and adversity, she will be there for me. To add on, she knows most of my secrets and aspirations.

At times, I secretly hope she leaves me with no consequence.

I am not sure if I am with her out of fear and gratitude.

Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.
 

Mind share your girl ctc. I think you are not suitable for her.

Haha sorry bro.

Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.
 

Always got this type of people around.....pls lar this is a normal girl not a chicken. Who the fk will share? Crazy

Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.
 

See. Should never have gotten involved with a married woman.

You have a valid point. I only start thinking about it when I am older.

Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.
 

U think u will ever ask her to divorce and then u marry her?

If u r ready for this, ask her to do it...if she doesn't then there's a good reason to move to another gal u plan to marry...

In Chinese words its call 以退为进 :D

Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.
 

Bro she is already divorced. Many years ago liao.

Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.
 

Sad to say despite whatever happened in the past 8 years and whatever rights or wrongs that were done, her current behaviour is a ticking time bomb.

Not sure whether it's still worth your time & efforts, especially if you had to sacrifice your friends and maybe other stuff as well.

Of course to be fair she might have another story from her POV but my 2 cents' based on what is written here.

Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.
 

You are right. There is also another side of the coin from her pov. I was young and naive to make certain promises, but I feel that I can't go back on these promises. I did sacrificed but now I am not sure if it's out of fear.

Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.
 

Did you marry her?

Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.
 

All the best, decide and move on.

Nope. Only in a relationship

Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.
 

Yes, I was thinking with my dick when I was younger. Honestly, I lacked confidence when I was younger, thus the part you mentioned about options gave me a rude awakening. There are truths in your statements. To be honest, deep down I am actually afraid. Part of me feels guilty if I am doing the wrong thing, by letting someone take a heavy hit. Her husband initiated the divorce.

Re: Need advice for dating a woman 8 years older than I am.
 

I think TS need to be upfront with her as in discussing that he doesnt have the intention to get ‘married’ see what her reaction and decide from there.